Put yourself first as a Woman

Right from the beginning of our life’s women are taught to put everyone else’s needs first before ourselves. We can be taught by society, our families and some cultures, that it is normal to look after everyone else first and to think of ourselves last. We are also taught that if we don’t do that then we are seen as bad, selfish, or not a good woman. Which then make us feel shame and guilt. This shame & guilt can then be passed down through generations.

It is like as a Woman you need to do everything perfect and right according to society, family or culture otherwise you can be cast aside, disowned, left out or seen as strange, weird or not normal. This in itself puts immense pressure on women, pressure for them to always be perfect in every part of their life- family, marriage, children, school & work. Pressure to fit into the box given them to by society, family or culture. This then makes it impossible and not normal for women to put themselves first at any point in their life.

After my Divorce l realised that l had never put my self first in my life and that everyone around me was teaching me do everything a certain way and that my need’s didn’t really matter. I remember hearing my family and friends saying to me so when are you going to start dating again? I was thinking well actually it would be nice to have some time to myself so l can actually work out what l wanted in life and to actually put myself first for once. So this is what l did, after l divorced l remained single for about 2 years. In this time my family and friends would constantly ask me so when are you going to start dating again. After a while l just decided to ignore it and give them the same answer each time someone asked - I don’t know l am just enjoying some time on my own. I then dated someone for about 2 years for them to ask me the whole time- so when are you going to get married again?

I then became single again and the whole cycle of questions repeated. After another 2 years of being single I then met someone and we have new together for 11 years. However, still the cycle of questions are asked but l ignore them and do what is right for me in my relationship instead of what is right for my family, culture or society. Have you had a similar experience and felt a need to ignore those around you and the pressures of society of how you should live your life, so you can do things the best way for you and put yourself first as a Woman for once. Instead of what is expected?

I also did this in terms of my career and home life. I had my family saying or silent expectations of them such as- are you going to uni, getting a job, get married and have children. In my family as a woman you were expected to be a Teacher or work in a bank. I tried my families way at first and worked in a bank. I also went to uni and then was going to train as a Teacher but l didn’t like it when I went to actually volunteer in schools before I applied for training- l just thought this is not for me. Ever since then l knew l didn’t want to to things that my family expected me too but for a long time l never knew what I did want to do so l was just in jobs l didn’t like, until after a lot of inner work l found Life coaching & spiritual tools.

By not doing things the way my family and society wanted me to as a Woman, l was then able to discover my own needs, which helped me to put myself first as a Woman. Sometimes the shame and guilt has been there whenever l make a decision that is different from what is expected of me as a Woman in my family, society and culture but each time it comes up l do some inner work to see why it is coming up and to honour my real needs and desires.

If you resonate with any of the above and want to start putting yourself first as a Woman-here are steps to get you started:

•Know you are worthy as a Woman no matter what.

•Seek professional help for any trauma you have experienced in your life.

•Look at any family, society or cultural expectations you abide by and evaluate if they align with your values and needs now or not. If they don’t look at changing them to what does align with your needs, values and beliefs now instead.

•Acknowledge and become aware that you do not need to do things how your family, society or culture want you to or have done things in the past. It is your life to decide how to live it.

•Start practicing self care. Check out my ebook on self care to get you started.

•Explore your own needs and start applying them into your life.

•Implement loving affirmations into your daily life.

•Start loving yourself as a Woman -if you need help where to start with this here is my ebook on how to love yourself as a woman.