12 signs you are in a Toxic Relationship

I don’t know about you but l wish I was taught in school about what an unhealthy relationship actually looks like. Instead you leave school and get into relationships with no clue whether it is toxic or not. You only have the relationships that were modelled to you growing up or passed down from your family to go by and presume they are normal relationships, so you don’t even know there is a such thing as a toxic relationship or a healthy relationship, let alone what either of them look like.

I only came across the term toxic relationship whilst going through a divorce. I thought it was for other people and that all my relationships were fine. I only realised after my divorce that l had been in a toxic relationship. Unfortunately a lot of people can be in a toxic relationship or got out of a toxic relationship and not even realise it. Then when you get into another relationship the same toxic relationship cycle can repeat it self but with a different person. Some people can spend their whole life repeating this cycle. But the good news is once you become aware of what a toxic relationship is and you and are in one or have been in one you can take the first step to breaking that cycle for you self.

So what is a toxic relationship?

Dr Lillian Glass (1995) in her book Toxic People defines a toxic relationship as:

“One characterised by conflict, control, competition, and a lack of mutual support, where individuals harm each other emotionally or physically”.

Here are 12 signs of a toxic relationship:

1)Poor Communication

In a toxic relationship communication tends to be difficult where being open and honest is hard or nonexistent. People often feel unheard.

2)Constant frequent arguments

In any relationship arguments are normal. However, in a toxic relationship they are usually constant frequent arguments and a lot of time the arguments can be about trivial issues. The arguments usually go in a cycle, where the issue is never resolved and then comes up again to be repeated over and over.

3)Lack of Support

In a toxic relationship there is usually a lack of support. It is common for peoples goals, dreams and everyday activities or life to not be supported. Sometimes it can be one person being threatened by the other persons success which results in a lack of support.

4)Lack of respect and Boundaries

In a toxic relationship there is usually very little respect for each other and boundaries. Or it could be that one person sets boundaries and the other person totally ignores them, but they want their own boundaries to be respected.

5)Constant Criticism and belittlement

When you are in a toxic relationship your partner will constantly criticise and belittle you. This can be for everyday occurrences to decisions about your life and successes and failures in your life. This overtime can be very draining and affect your self esteem.

6)Control & Isolation

When in a toxic relationship your partner will tend to control everything you do. They will control what you do, who you see  and where you go. Sometimes they can can even control things like what you wear and what you eat. This can then cause isolation between your family and friends.

7)No Trust- Lying and Deception

In a toxic relationship there is usually dishonesty and deception from your partner, which then leads to no trust in the relationship.

8)Emotional Manipulation & Blackmail

If your partner is toxic there can be a lot of emotional manipulation and blackmail. For example, they can gaslight you- which is when you question or doubt your own perception of reality. They might also guilt trip you and they could use your fears and insecurities against you. They can even blackmail you to do things or say things you don’t want to.

9)Feeling drained

When your partner is toxic you can feel drained when you are around them. It is like your energy becomes depleted or depressed instead of the other way around- energised and upbeat.

10)Your needs are not met

If you partner is toxic you are most likely to feel or know that your needs are not met and instead they always make sure their needs are met no matter what. A toxic partner would even make sure their needs are met over yours, you could then find that you are sacrificing your own needs over theirs.

11)You always feel like you are walking on egg shells

If you are in a toxic relationship you could feel like you are always walking on eggshells. You are afraid or hesitant to say certain things to you partner because of how they might react,for example they might get upset, angry or defensive and take it out on you.

12)Physical or Emotional Abuse

If you are in a toxic relationship you could be experiencing some kind of abuse such as physical, psychological, emotional or sexual abuse. All of these are not acceptable at all and if you are experiencing any of them then please seek professional help. Abuse is not normal or healthy and is definitely a sign you are in a toxic relationship.

If you are experiencing any of the signs of a toxic relationship above then below are some steps you can take to move forward:

•Recognise & acknowledge that you are in a toxic relationship

•Educate yourself on what is a toxic relationship and what is a healthy relationship.

•Seek professional help

•Start recognising your needs

•Start self care- unsure where to start with self care here is my ebook on self care.

•Start making boundaries that align with your needs