Healing the Sister Wound

I don’t know about you but l never even heard of a sister wound until my spiritual awakening. Whilst going through a dark night of the soul and at the time me and my younger sister were not talking for about a year was when l heard of the sister wound and decided to start to explore what the Sister wound was and how l could heal it in my life.

So what is the sister wound?

It is a wound that is often passed down through generations where Women are against and often betray each other rather than working together. It is where there is a deep rooted pain between women, which started from patriarchal systems. These systems women were taught to compete against each other for resources, survival, men and status.

Today the sister wound shows up as jealousy, envy, competition, comparison, bullying, rejection, distrust, insecurity and being excluded between women. Most women do encounter some of the above and for many it can be very painful.

For me the sister wound has been very painful, sometimes heart wrenching at times. Also, deeply emotional, sad, frustrating, isolating, confusing, angry, feeling judged and depressing. The pain associated with betrayal amongst women is a pain hard to describe and l would not wish it upon anyone. l know for many other women they have felt the same when experiencing the sister wound or similar.

The sister wound can start with your earliest female relationships such as your mother, sister, cousins and aunties. It can also happen in women friendships and women colleagues at work. Sometimes it can be subtle and other times it can be overwhelming and painful.

For example, it can be when you are a child and your sister leaves you out on purpose or is always in competition with you. Another example, is when you are an adult and a group of women bully you at work. Other situations could be your friend or sister betraying you and sleeping with your partner. Or a group of friends being jealous of you and then excluding you on purpose. It can even be at school when your female friend talks behind your back about you to other girls. It can also be when you are an adult and your own sister turns all the family against you by spreading false information and then excluding you from the family. Another is when female members of the family get married but exclude you from the hen do or even wedding or let everyone else bring their partner to the wedding except for you. As you can see the sister wound can manifest in many situations.

For me the sister wound was subtle in my childhood with certain female friends talking about me behind my back and excluded me or a jealous friend telling me that she didn’t like my other friends and coming round to play with my siblings instead of me when she felt like it.

In my adulthood it manifested at work by when getting a promotion having a manager that singled me out sometimes when in meetings she was supposed to be on my side and support me would instead ask questions to try and make my job harder and look like l didn’t know what l was doing. I also was off work sick for six months and when l was back she completely ignored that l had been off and would ask questions in front of other people about things that was not completed, totally ignoring the fact that l had not been in work to do.

It has manifested in my adulthood with my actual sister, with my her turning against me, betraying me for no reason when we have been really close all of our life’s. She decided to stop talking to me and spread false information about me to my brothers and Dad so our relationships suffered to the point where it was easier to not see them much. She found every way to exclude me from the family such as setting up a new WhatsApp family group without me on it. Getting my brother to invite me round to his house a different week to everyone else for my nieces birthday, because she didn’t want me to come round the same time as her. Blocking my number which l didn’t even know she had done until my Dad told me. Not letting me see my niece’s and nephew and not accepting Christmas presents for them. When sending them birthday presents not acknowledging so l didn’t even know they had received and then when l stopped sending, sending a birthday present back. She also stopped talking to my partner because he has always supported and defended me. This is just a small glimpse of what has happened since my sister stopped speaking to me. The whole experience has brought up many emotions for me such as betrayal, confusion, anger, sadness and shame. I also explored again how my mum and her sister never talked for years to the point that me and my siblings never knew or met her, my mum died in her forties’ with them never making up and there was never a reason why they didn’t talk, it didn’t make sense. I never thought or wanted this to happen to me and my sister and it has never made sense why she doesn’t talk to me, this is when l realised the sister wound has been passed down to me and my sister but l decided it is going to stop with me.

At the same time whilst going through this with my sister, l have also experienced the sister wound at work. One job l started l had a younger girl training me and l sat with three other women- after a few weeks all three women sometimes said absolutely nothing to me all day- the would do things together and have conversations together like l wasn’t even sitting there and would only talk to me when they had to for work. No support at all- a horrible environment something l have never experienced before.

Also, at another workplace after the women l worked with were over friendly and you know that they are talking about you behind your back. It didn’t help when one of them then became my line manager, making it a horrible environment where you have to pretend to be friendly back, knowing that she would not have your back or support you at anytime and will talk about you behind your back, so you are always watching what you say to that person.

These are just some of the experiences where the sister wound has manifested in my life, some subtle and some very painful. I know that a lot of my manifestation are jealousy and betrayal from other women, which has been passed down through my family, which has never been acknowledged. It would have come from patriarchal systems where women in my family were taught to compete against each other for resources, survival, men and status, rather than work together and support each other. It is all based on fear, fear of other women instead of joy, compassion, love and community for other women.

So if you have had similar experiences to mine with the sister wound in your life, what can you do to start to heal the sister wound?

• Become aware of how the sister wound has manifested in your life- in childhood and adulthood.

• Recognise any patterns in your life where the sister wound had been present.

• Start changing old negative beliefs about women that don’t serve you that have been passed down to you to positive beliefs about women. Heal any trauma you have experienced with women- seek professional help from someone experienced in trauma.

• Celebrate other women and uplift them instead of judging and using any old programmes.

• Create relationships with women where you can all be your true self without judgement.